Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Body Image... and Etiquette!

It's been over a year since writing the post The Divine Mother Gets Some Work Done-- in which I briefly discuss body image and declare my satisfaction with my own big-ness-- and since then I've had the profoundly strange experience of losing 50 pounds very rapidly due to circumstances out of my control. The strangest thing, however, is NOT my own radical shapeshifting-- it's dealing with everyone else's reactions... many of which are less than polite.

I was perfectly comfortable in my body when it was 5o pounds heavier; the rest of the world, however, seems to have a problem with it. When I was a larger person and needed to shop for clothes, salespeople turned their noses at me, saying "we don't have anything in your size," or at best, ignored me completely. Certain well-meaning family members were certain it was my fault I'm not married yet (I was only 27), that it must be because I was fat-- and then proceeded to "help" me by pointing out how everything I ate and wore was wrong. Now people I hardly know keep telling me they barely recognize me, how beautiful and healthy I look... often followed by just how huge I was before, and/or how unattractive they found me. I think that is a terribly rude thing to say to someone, yet people don't seem to think twice about giving me their full opinion of my appearance when I never wanted it in the first place.

Well for the benefit of the curvaceous people who may be reading this, plenty of people found me attractive when I was fat, and one boyfriend even told me I'd be "perfect" if I "gain 50 pounds". Another friend recently said "I thought you were hot before and you are hot now.... I always thought hotness comes from within." I'm still with the man I was with 50 pounds ago, and he says I look perfect either way.


What is even more perplexing to me is that the general consensus among people who marvel at my sudden weight loss is that I must be more disciplined, healthier, and working out more. In reality, I was in better shape as a big person and got a lot more exercise when I was larger (before I fell ill and lost so much weight).

The fact is, most of this weight gain and illness was due to an unknown gluten intolerance-- so by finding this out, and ceasing to eat gluten, I lost 50 pounds even more suddenly than I gained them. I am in no more control of my body-- or anything else-- now than I was when I was more voluptuous. In fact, I don't think we had much choice in the shape of our bodies any more than we had a choice in being human instead of a fish. Yet people act towards me as if I have changed, as if I am more disciplined, more in control, more respectable. They seem to think, since I am thin, I must be a better person....

...If only it was so easy!

Sorry to disappoint, but I still have all the same flaws I did months ago.... oh, and you really don't need to point those out, either. Thanks in advance.